All for a piece of cloth

Thy clothes are all the soul thou hast.

Author: Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher

If I had to go by the above quote, my soul would have to be a combination of the following:-

Straight cut , no flair , high collar (I turned into a nun overnight)

Ps: No offence meant to nuns or anybody who’s a wannabe nun

Weird frock like ensemble , indecent looking pot neck (more like cauldron neck)

Ensemble that refuses to budge down below neck area

Something that I could perhaps wear after I shed about 50 Kgs

Something that I could perhaps wear after I gained 50 Kgs

Something that I could never wear

Suffice to say, I have tailor problems.

My first tailor was about a Km and half away and school friend P introduced me to him. His first outfit was a Gurjari product that fit my weird-looking-teenage-just-out-PU form to the tee. It was well-cut and my friends raved about it. And I was ecstatic! The next trip to him found me beaming, gushing and ever so desperate. To cut a 5 year long story short , at the end of it I made the following observations:

He was good at only straight cut plain salwar suits which were minus hand embroidery,machine embroidery , appliqué- in short, anything that required an imagination.Hmmm..thats saying he missed quite a few classes in his tailoring school

And then all of a sudden, my stars, as is wont of stars, took a turn for the worse. I had a huge fight with him and stormed away laden with a freshly-cut-ready-to- be-but-not-yet stitched kurta and swore never to be back again.

Did you know that tailors have a rule in their rupa-new-designs-for-the-modarn woman book that reads:

‘Thou shalt not touch a garment that has been rendered cut but not stitched by a fellow tailor’ ?

Well now you do.

Weekend after weekend saw me take the frail little piece of red garment (its insides hopelessly bruised, cut and unstitched) to various tailors , big and small , from boutiques to Dress makers- we met them all. First..Second. Third opinions yielded the same diagnosis. Frail red cloth would not be touched.

And then , the same stars led me to Kapad.Not Kapda –Kapad.Kapad House. He fashioned a Kurti for me that was lacking in many areas.But then , Kapad had the emotional advantage. He had been my savior when the entire world and its sewing machine had shunned me.

Good lord , MS word wants to replace Kapad with Keypad..tch tch how insensitive

Weekend after weekend saw me handing various pieces of material stored from my no-tailor days to Kapad who was enthusiastic. Overtly so, coming to think of it.He told me he was due for a Diploma in Fashion Design and the courier guy would be honoring him with it anytime in the near future.

One, two three mishaps later, a thought started creeping into my head. Were my Kurtis supposed to make me look like I had wings for sleeves? But then, I lived on in denial.Atleast I had someone whom I could call my tailor…

Fourth’s a charm, like they say. It was a lovely sea-green material that I had lovingly bought in Madras. And now, it looked like a camping tent. Make that a camp. I rushed to Kapad and spread it on his table.

“ What is this”

“Oh madam, you remember? You came last Sunday and took it? Its your dress”

“I KNOW, BUT WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE I WANT TO COVER ASIA WITH IT”

“See madam” *Brandishes his measuring tape* “ Your waist is x ,and so is this, neck is y and so is this , hips are z and so is this..”

I looked on patiently and said “Yes , but where is the cut??”

“What cut madam?”

“For once , we agree!”

“See madam , it is cut according to your body shape!”

“YES! EXACTLY! If I were proud of my body shape, why do you think I’d be searching heaven and earth for a good tailor you nincompoop!!I’d wear a banian.AND you charge me like I were to be a queen .. like I’m Miss Chola or something!! And you can’t cut a simple piece of cloth!!”

Yes, I stormed away.

Again.

And then I found ‘Kaya , every woman’s desire”. She charged me 450 Rs to “design” a kurti. It’s called differently in different parts of the world. Its not her fault , really.Over here , we call it a “choli”

Choli

a short-sleeved blouse, often one exposing part of the midriff, worn by Hindu women in India. Also,cholee.

She calls it a kurti.

A rose by any other name , would fit you would think?

SIGH.