10 May 2008

The Matrimony Chronicles - I


Oh yes , we are back at it. Our favorite topic.

Lets call him S.S with an Irish accent.Oh No.That was the other one.This one had a an Australian accent.Well Duh not because he lived in Australia , but because that breeze used to brush past him and ruffle his hair oh so gently whenever Australian ships docked at Frankfurt.

Anyway , after sending me a cryptic mail that read
"Wll cll at 19:56 tm nte, b prpd. Js kddin!" , I applied the Cryptology logic that Ramakrishna Sir taught me in my first job(Don't ask me why someone was teaching that in an IT company , it calls for more dignity than to be explained between curly braces).I deduced that S would call at 7:56 Pm , hopefully IST.

19:56:01:The Ming starts squealing ...
Disembodied Voice(DV):*Static* "Bellow"
Seren:*Saami , kaapathu* "Hi?" Translates to God Please Help
DV:*White Noise*"Ye"
Seren:*resisting an urge to say “Ee number chalanealli illa :This number dose not exist*: “ Hi! HI !! HIIII!!!”

DV: “Look , first up I’d like to clear a few things”

Seren: “ Uncle? Who I threw chalk at from the second floor?”

DV: “ I am an academician.”

Seren: “ Ooh! That suits me fine. I’m a caretaker at the neighborhood cemetery”

DV: “ We will meet.For coffee.Your treat? Snicker Snicker”

Seren: “ Eh” *I must wax my ears soon , hearing strange things*

Do din baad

1:55:01 Pm

Venue: Coffee Day

I balanced myself precariously on what looked like a barber’s stool to cut babies’ hair.Ok.The ground below seems scarily far away.What do I have in front of me ?A clump of orange-red hair… and something glittery .. Oooh .. hallelujah .. it’s the waiter.

Orange-red : “Mayigetyousomethingmam”

Seren: *Get yourself a razor first and some black hair dye* “Umm , in a while”

OR bows .. oooh his centre clump of hair is blue !

What do I see around me .. bunch of 18 year olds .. one has a swastika tattooed on his hand .. although it looks reversed ..hmm ..Eh .. someones waving at me from outside.And gesticulating that they’re coming inside.

Embodied Voice : “Ye”

Seren: “ S! Hi.Nice to meet you!”

EV: “Come , lets get away from this place”

Seren : “ But I thought you chose this place ‘cause you liked it”

EV : “Did I ? No matter! Lets walk along”

Ek minute baad

Outside a coffee shop

EV: “Two coffees…Hey! You said you would treat me!”

Seren: “ yyyes .. oh dear God”

Let me stop you right here. In case you think I belong to that class of women who do the chivalry jig and expect the men to pay all the time, you’re wrong. This, I thought had to be categorized under plain weird humor.

So we’re walking along talking about his academician family and my not-quite-so family … and there are exactly 28 stones on this pavement.. Hmm funny .. I never ever noticed .. Oh hellooo …S throws his coffee cup into a dustbin that’s 3 feet away. Needless to say , he’s no Jordon , this man. I couldn’t say if he was planning to pick the cup and try again because at precisely that moment a lady with a snake in her basket turned up.

EV: “ Please go away”

Rule of thumb : Never talk to brandishing snake ladies.Tip them.Or run for your life.

Brandishing snake lady: “ The lord will keep your jodi salamat , gimme money now”

EV:*Moves his hands frantically around*

By this time, charmer had advanced towards me while I looked on transfixed.

Charmer: “ Give me 10 bucks”

EV: “ I have no money on me!”

Seren: *Wondering if I should give him some as well* “Here you go!”

By the time I could mouth Jack Robinson; Charmer had flicked a 100 Rs note from my purse and had started sprinting. YES , in the middle of 4th Blk Jayanagar and in broad daylight.

I didn’t know how to react. So, I did the only thing I could. I sipped some coffee.

Aade ghante aur some more academecia talk ke baad

S offered to drop me off to my bike.He also hands me half a bar of chocolate that has been mercilessly ripped apart from its parent.He also offers to pay me 50 Rs. I had not even an ounce of energy in me to ask why. “ I thought we could split the loss” he said.

That’s it … I have found my calling – Bird collecting

9 scribbled back to “The Matrimony Chronicles - I”

  • Sunday, May 11, 2008 9:43:00 PM
    SK says:

    Hahhaah!!! It sure is fun to read the encounters of the 'prospective groom' kind :--D

    Didnt understand the bird collecting reference.

  • Monday, May 12, 2008 8:43:00 PM
    Serendipity says:

    Sk : If I don't ever get married , I should atleast have a hobby right? ;)

  • Thursday, May 22, 2008 4:35:00 AM
    Usha says:

    That was really funny. You mean this REALLY happened - which planet is he from?
    How did you let that snake charmer lady reach your purse. It seems you were rather overwhelmed by the situation.
    Poor girl. That really requires a chat over coffee - your treat ;)

  • Thursday, May 22, 2008 6:17:00 PM
    Serendipity says:

    Usha : Don't look at me! You guys are to blame , making me meet all kinds of retards!Charming lady story? Laang story , lets just say she tricked me into it.Overwhelmed ...nnoo I'm kinda used to these situations , there are more , tis Matri chronicles part 1 no?yes yes! Kaapi treat

  • Thursday, June 19, 2008 11:24:00 AM
    Anonymous says:

    I was laughing crazily staring at my monitor reading this..;-)..
    This is the first post of urs that i am reading..I wonder how i missed your blog all these days.

    Catch u often henceforth..


  • Thursday, June 19, 2008 3:04:00 PM
    Anonymous says:

    I notice this is Part 1, which gives me hope - there are many more such chronicles in the offing? That's great :P

  • Friday, June 20, 2008 12:24:00 AM
    Serendipity says:

    Sudha :) Thanks!
    Lekhni: :) Oh yes , theres more !!

  • Monday, August 18, 2008 10:16:00 PM
    Archana says:

    Oh dear lord!! This must be the mother of bad first meetings (and I thought I had seen them all!).

    BTW, equal rights-bequal rights, my foot. First meeting, guy pays, period. If he doesn't at least offer to, that would probably be the last meeting too.

    At least you got your golden brick in heaven for entertaining your readers :-)!

  • Monday, August 18, 2008 10:48:00 PM
    Serendipity says:

    Archie:No .. i found a better one :O, will post about it soon.Thanks :)


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