Identity Crisis

The other day , Altoid's close friend M invited us very kindly for lunch.After about 2 months of surviving my cooking and my colleagues' cooking..remind me to write about her sometime.. now this colleague of mine follows a very simple rule of thumb for every dish that she cooks ..
-Prepare a tadka of mustard seeds , channa dal , green chillies, red chillies,red chilli powder,garam masala, turmeric , any handy powder within a 3 metre radius
-Add to rice/subzi/semolina/vermicilli/egg mixture
-Say Fini

Ok, moving on.. M had cooked a fabulous , tasty and healthy(just the kind I love) lunch for us and just when we were lolling about the kitchen waiting for M to scoop out the ice cream for us , Alt launched on her favorite topic - Sagittarians.About how we the sagis are the out of sight out of mind variety(Now , tell me.What can I do if I choose not to miss people? Whats the point being sad about people who aren't around?Why waste a precious day being unhappy about things you can't help? Tell?).Yeah , thats when something stirred in the head.

A long time ago, I was 11.Then,to say that my sister was suffering the worst possible side effects of the terrible teens would be to understate.The Mother was , well , herself.So the two ganged up , yet again.

So , one Sunday afternoon , as I was sitting at my desk battling with a Gulmohar,the two creeped up behind me.And suddenly started talking , like they weren't aware I was around. I know! They sucked at play acting.Anyway , here's how the "conversation" went:
Alt : What will she do now?Its almost as if her whole identity has changed...
Mom: Yeah ..*err*.. correct
Alt: Who would've thought they were going to introduce a new zodiac sign!And that too called Ophiuchus!
Mom: Yes.. *err* unforutnately people born between November 30th and December 17th are now Ophiuchusites! Now , couldn't she have been born on the 18th?
Alt:OMG .. is she a cusp between this Ophi something and Sagittarius?What are the characteristics of this Ophi thing?Will all her Sagittarian traits ebb away now..?
By this time , I had forgotten to pretend I wasn't listening.. my head had turned 180 degrees and the eyes were popping out of their sockets..
Seren: Ammmaaa.. sob sob... what will I do Ammmmaa.. I dont want to be a cusb...
Amma:*Realizing that this was the most fun she could glean out the situation* Don't be silly now , couldn't you see we were playing a trick on you? Don't behave like an ass , now!
Alt: Yeah , I agree! Can't you take a joke without perennially turning on the waterworks?
Seren:*Looking very hopefully* So , this new zodiac was all fiction? I am still a Sagittarian?
Alt: Hell, no!It very much exists! Amma , say hellooooooo to our new Ophiuchusite...!!!

Yes , and my colleagues/friends wonder why I am this moody and cranky.Childhood scarring , I tell you!!

One can't have too many friends ... or pairs of shoes!

Alt's shoe fetish has caught on ... it didn't take too much effort , anyway.
Like Joey says " I'm so happy ..."*goofy smile*

The Matrimony Chronicles -The Donts

If you're sick of my chronicles , I understand your pain ,maybe this list might make you laugh.

The Don'ts

1)I understand you have a best friend and he/she's been your friend ever since you were in diapers.But when he/she said you looked best in your profile photos , they meant it with your HEAD also turned ALONG with your body.Now ,its plain scary to look at you with your body heading west and your head peering into the camera with an oh-look-at-me-im-so-dandy expression.

2)Remember Tinkle? Remember the column in which you had spot what was wrong with the picture that you saw in front of you?To quote an example .. one in which Hansel and Gretel are browsing the internet?(Ok, I made that up..hey, do you think I should send this as an entry to Uncle what-was-he? Pai? Shenoy?).Ok, come back now.Well yeah , today I saw one such pic.The guy was standing in a beach in California (next to the board that read that)and he was wearing a veshti.Next time , you might want to bring in an elephant Mr.Beach.

3)Parents of the groom, please note this.When the groom's profile reads thus: Mr XYZ , the great grandson of Sangeetha Vidwaan Nagercoil Sriman XYZnathan , grandson of violin Vidwaan from Tanjore Mr ABCswamy , son of blah blahRaman..well excuse me , this isn't the place to put in a herald..unless your son were to be Raja Raja Chola!

Which reminds me , I'm through with the 4th volume of Ponniyin Selvan.Superb read.I've decided to read the remaining two volumes sparingly .. they need to tide me through the next month and a half.

And thank you for leaving no "Thoughts" in my previous two posts.Hmph.The support is much appreciated.

I want..

to be in the cab that takes me home everyday .. its raining and its 6:15 PM , the Hebbal flyover is milling with people who use plastic covers as head-gear.. and I hear familiar sounds in the bus ; of my cab mates playing dumb charades and fighting over whether the movie they're miming actually exists .. theres "Madhura pisumathigee " playing over the FM.. i see Girl1 and Guy2 exchanging glances when their favorite songs playing .. i hear Amma calling me asking me what I'd like to have for dinner .. I eye my favorite road near Hotel Ashoka .. i peek out to see if anything interesting is on at CKP...I wish... I were home...

But I'm not ! And hence I'm planning a trip to NY tomorrow!

Jai Ho! Carpe Diem!

;) what did u think?

North meets South

Its their wedding anniversary today.I called Alto's at 6:30 AM sharp.
Me: Happy Wedding Anniversary, Appa! What did both of you do from morning?
Appa:*Pauses*
We BOTH got up.
She drank milk.
I made coffee and drank it.
She went for a walk.
I read the paper.
She's back with Alto , so now I will go for a walk.

:D , right!

Tales from Pardes-I

Its 7:45 PM and there's still daylight.My watch reads 5:15 AM.There's always this bull headed urge to do the math and calculate US time rather than reset the watch that was set in India.
Anyway , saying India umpteen times is just going to open the flood gates isn't it?So we think happy things.
Jetlag.Yesterday night , I woke up every 1.5 Hr intervals, in one such interval I noticed that the temperature sensor blinked "Please replace the batteries." , yes , it even had the full stop.And I wondered if I should call Amma(Would it be day time for her) or my sister(Is it 4AM ? That , would be day time for her).I wondered what would happen if I hadn't woken up that second 1.5 Hour interval.Would I have been hermetically sealed inside the room with a broken temperature sensor and no fresh air(when irony oh irony there were exactly 10 big trees outside my window?).But , of course!Switch off the sensor thingy(basic electronic circuit theory lesson 1) and open windows which will open exactly 4 inches upwards like the sticker on the window says.
I woke up again at 6AM and surprise surprise there was daylight.The nose had frozen though.
I reached home a couple of minutes back , after taxi driver from Pakistan Mr.Ada waved me a cheery goodbye.I fixed myself some "Tea from India" dutifully bought at the Indian Store(You know , it so ironic, back home I drink Twinings).And then I remembered the sensor needing battery.I called up the reception and promptly went for a shower.So there I was tra lalaing and there came a loud knock.Yes , of course Murphy was right.I opened the door to a cheery red capped old man.
CROM(Chery red capped old man): " helllo!!!"
Seren:"Hi!!"(This cute old thing is going to save me from being hermetically sealed etc etc)
CROM:"$##$$#$$##$$#"
Seren:"?"
Seren:"ENGLISH??"
CROM(*wincing coz of all the yelling*):"No"
Seren:*Hopefully*"Punjabi?"
CROM:"Spanish"
Seren: " Well, okay come in!"
CROM:*Peers at the sensor*
Seren the idiot:" See?It reads change battery , so will you?"
CROM:*Turns the knob towards heat and then pretends that hes feeling very very cold(crouches down on his knees and makes brr brr sounds followed by a happy face when the heat was turned up) and then turns the knob to cooling and pretends to fan himself*
Seren:"Cute old man , I know how the AC works,I didn't do that badly at college I say!!"
Seren:*Shows the message *
CROM:*Points to my index finger which has my voting mark and looks puzzled and hurt*
Seren:*Oh sheesh , how am I going to tell him I voted for BJP and thats where I got the dye!! Ammmaaa*
CROM:*Bulb switched on under the cap*"Oh.... no no!!No battery it electrical..No worry!"
Seren:*Accompanies CROM to the door and resolves to keep window open , the nose will just have to do with the freezing now , wont it!!*

At Uncle Sams'

The I is now in Umrica :)..more updates and posts to follow ..Jai ho!

Result of Matrimony Chronicles -III

Dhanya, you asked for it ;).

The story so far

Q is the latest matrimony matter.Q is phone-shy.I was supposed to meet aforesaid matter at 6.I vetoed the continental restaurant idea.As it is things are going very shamathuly, imagine meeting Q matter in Conti restaurant at 6.Nothing to eat also , no coffee also.So I vetoed.

I went about 5 minutes early and plonked myself at Vi , Viv's and my favorite table , the corner table facing the road.And conveniently got lost in Ponniyan Selvan.SMS at 18:00:00 sharp, unknown number reads(I don't store numbers until after the first meeting,no?)"I am here".I replied " :), come up I'm on the first floor".

And then Q came.And sat.And I smiled.And silence reigned.I started tapping feet to the tunes of "Jinke mari na".And then Q spoke.Two pearls dropped on to the table.

Q:"I'm a very shy , introverted,independent person"
Seren:"Hmmm..that's nice..I'm sure.."
Q:"And you?"
Seren: "I'm not shy , I think I'm an extrovert,but I'd say I was independent"
Q smiled understandingly..he knew what it was to find a fellow Independent.

The waiter who had dismissed us to be the "2 coffee-1 plate idly" variety was in for a shock.Because Q asked for the mocktail menu.Yes ,definite potential for a blog post.

The next 20 minutes went very similar to a 20-20 match.Here's how.

Q:What technology do you work on?
S:3GPP
Q:Doesn't that do technosoundingword version 3?
S:I think its version 4, not sure..
Q:It is version 3, I worked on it just last month
Score Q-1 S-0.

In an attempt to assuage the situation and not have Amma harp "But you don't give them a chance" I thought I'd shift the focus to Amma, well , she asked for it.Albeit in my head.

S:Last week , my Mom went walking in Lalbagh and a candidate came to campaign.Mom went and complained to him about the fact that she had two daughters and how unsafe it is for women in Karnataka given these situations.To this , the candidate grinned back sheepishly and mumbled that soon very soon something would be done to condone it.
(After this burst of bravado , Mrs Arjuna award came home and shivered wondering if the party goondas would be after her given she's a regular Lalbagh walker)
Q:So which party did she vote for this time around?
S:Its a secret ballot you know ;)
Score Q-1 S-1

Q:Ahem.So which places have you traveled to and what did you feel when you did.
S:I visited Agra last year and it was then that I was reading the Feast of Roses.It felt good to be visiting all the places that were spoken of in the book..But you know , I didn't really have an AHA moment when I saw the Taj Mahal , maybe owing to the fact that it was so crowded..and..
Q:Ok and which other place?
S:We visited Kerala this year
Q:I have covered the entire stretch up north and west.Only east is pending.
S:Really?I thought you said you hated traveling?
Q:Yes, I do.

Q:-infinity S:+infinity



I felt tired.This was worse than answering an interview.An hour of my life wasted right in front of my eyes...and then he bowled a googly.

Q:So, are you usually dressed like this?
S:*I looked down wondering if I forgot to wear my top.No .. didn't seem the case* "No , I dress differently in the swimming pool" (Another vain attempt at humor)
Q:Ok.. my Dad's very conservative firstly and secondly he doesn't like Iyers too much
S:Hain? *Ok and we met why?*
Q:But then , you know its all about DDLJ
S:Ok
Q:You know, convincing parents if you feel right about it.
S:Sure
Q:*Gets up suddenly as if something bit him(or hit him like I was itching to)* Let's go.
S:Yep.

Stick a fork in me,I'm done.

The Matrimony Chronicles- III

Lets call him , Q. 'Coz if he's following this blog , he mightn't know.Well err yeah , mostly he wouldnt know.I'm told most people don't know their quirks even when they're told about it.Take Amma , for example.She thinks she's got a great sing song voice.She doesn't.Whenever my Dad's friends call up , they think she's him.
Anyway,back to Q.

Q lives two streets away which is why I thought there'd be some hope for the alliance.Imagine!! 2 streets!And so,I agreed.
After the initial Hi , I studied till 10th here ,my family are descendants from this rhesus monkey etc etc, we moved to Phase 2 i.e the boy girl chatting meeting stage.I mailed him my email id and mobile number, for which he replied saying he was , hold your breath *phone-shy*.Now , none of the full bodied matri men Ive met so far have been phone shy.I thought men usually jumped at the thought of having a girl's(ANY girl's) phone number.Hmmm , this must be what Amma kept talking about.That men get senile after a certain age.Serve me right for not having married when I was 23.Q added saying it would be a good idea to meet.Ahhh I thought ..he's a cut above the rest , he wants to meet instead of just talking ...oh wait there's some more text.What's that? He wants us to meet online at 9:30 Pm on Yahoo messenger.And his id is "yahoomessenger009".I imagined what his other ids would be "skype4u_010" , "gtalk_4u_4frm_me_011".In this day and age , with a zillion messengers , it must be hard to remember IDs.Right?

The last time I had an online appointment when I 17.When sameer_bhatia_punjab_da_puttar from PnJaab told me that he had an online crush on me (he loved my fonts).I forgave Q for this faux paus.After all , he lived two streets away.How bad could he be.

A week later (I forgot to keep up the said appointment .. I really cant think why), I got a mail from Q.It read " Hi *Seren's full name..uh oh bad sign*, I was online between 9:15:53 to 9:45:51 .. nearly half hour (actually 29 minutes 58 seconds)and you did'nt turn up(Really?Are you sure I didnt!) , I think you must've mailed me the reason .. but for some reason I didnt receive any mail(Err yes Post man chacha misplaced it and mailed it to Oklipuram instead) , I am sure you have reasons for doing what you did(Yes , would you say the same if I broke a vase on your head? Please?), can we meet online today at 9:15 PM?.Now, you know ,I hate statistic keeping whiny people.Normal whiny people I dont mind.But oh!Two streets away!

Recently I received yetannoder mail from him asking if we could meet.I said 'Sure!How about coffee at Kalmane?'And pat came the reply 'I hate the smell of coffee and jasmine , could we meet at someweirdcontinental restaurant at 6'.*Sigh*.If a coffee filter were to be male and tam brahm , I'd consider marrying it I say , and dude hates the SMELL ?SMELL? If I were to be in coma(touch wood) a good way to bring me back to senses would be to bring me some coffee.Sere.I'm being spoilt.Yes , so please sue me.

Hmph.

Sigh.

Two streets = 5 minutes from Home.

Ok , I go meet him and see.He can't be too bad.

A trip to Maddur

Some weeks back , I decided I'd take the geriatrics to to Maddur.Why Maddur? 'Coz of the famous Vaidyanatha Temple thats a few kilometres from the town and also the Ambegal Krishna temple at Doddamalur , near Chennapatna.
Now , lets talk our language.
We set out at 7:30AM laden with biscuits , fruits , dates , Filter kaapi flask , hand towel , leg towel, towel towel , newspaper , 3 library books(which were stored carefully in a separate 'book' bag in case they got lost/damaged/lost and damaged),iodex, amritanjan,shampoo hair comb, paddle hair comb, soap,dettol.
Suffice to say , my Mother's previous birth must have been that of an ant.A wary one at that.
Car driving always puts me into a bad mood.The pressure of having to save one's life , one's dependent's lives(which includes Petunia's as well) is a little too much to handle.Especially with Petunia , she's certainly not a morning person.There was a maddening jam at the Mysore road junction , a demented Sumo guy came and hit my bumper and sailed forth after showering abuses on ME!I showed off my vocabulary rather well , only to find two horrified faces looking at me wondering what they had done wrong. Sheesh! Sometimes there's no winning , is there?
Once out of Kengeri , the highway broadens into three and that's when you really start enjoying the drive.At this point , I felt like the girl from the Sumo Victa Ad , any of you remember her?She's the one who drives a Sumo Victa with her entire family dozing behind her.Found it.
An hour later , we stopped at Kamat Lokaruchi(Lok-aa-ruchi as Gee calls it in her Punju accent :)) for breakfast.You have a choice of a breakfast-Buffet versus singal-singal order.Buffet it was!We were served little glasses of fresh pure grape juice , 2 hot idlies , crispa vadas , hot pongal,the kharabath-kesaribath duo, and quarter pieces of hot masala dosa, with chutney and sambar.That's one thing I love about Karnataka.The food.Its a vegetarian's paradise.
We washed down the breakfast with a cup of hot filter kaapi , found ourselves smiling dreamilly(obviously because of the breakfast) and sauntered into Janapada Loka which is right next to Lokaruchi.
Our next stop was to be the Ambegal Krishna temple at DoddaMalur.Ambegaalu in Kannada means "to crawl".Legend has it that it was after visiting this temple that Purandaradasa composed the famous "Jagadhodharana Adisidalu Yashoda".It was my favorite composition during dance practices.Coming to think of it , all songs describing Lord Krishna enthrall me.

What struck me most about the temple were its walls, walls that had probably seen history unfold.
Old.Majestic.Sanctuary , yes , thats the word to describe it best.

It was around 11 when we set off towards the Vaidyanathaswamy temple in Maddur,which is about 20 Kms from Chennapatna.You need to branch off into the Maddur Main road from the highway and take a detour that will lead you to the Vaidyanathapura road.There on , its a straight course.Ask any native the way and they'll go "Straight hogi madam , then swalpa yeda , matthe balagade ondu sethuve sigathhe , alli hoga baradu.. " and so on.For those lost in translation , that meant "keep going straight, turn to the left a *little* , turn to the right and you will find a bridge..that's where you mustn't be going :D.

In any of the Vaidyanatha temples , the pooja involves immersing some jaggery and salt into the Kalyani(to indicate that the disease will vanish just as the salt and jaggery do into the waters).

I watched as my Mom and Dad vanished into the temple before it closed for lunch and stood at the head of the steps.From where I stood , I could see forests, paddy fields and the river.. all at once.Sometimes , you don't really need a temple or an idol to pray to.

Come 1'o clock and we reached Maddur town.I insisted on stopping at the Maddur railway station.It brings back memories of my childhood when my entire family would make a trip to Mysore , our ancestral hometown.And my uncle used to make it a point to stop at the Maddur railway station for the famous Maddur Vadas.The railway station is so much from a scene from Malgudi days.So idyllic and sleepy.

The station guard sauntered up to me while I was clicking away and asked me if I was press-avaru.I told him I'd put it up on the internet , would he like to strike a pose?He blushed a brilliant red and changed the subject.He pointed to a poster of the ' Fairy Queen' and told me very sadly that steam engines were a thing of the past.
As I slowly pulled out of the railway station towards the highway , I could hear familiar voices in my head , that of Patti describing to me how my great grandad had to sell our Mysore home in order to treat a great aunt's illness , how Thatha used to come back to a *rented*(she would sigh at this time) house in Mysore , some more about the mango trees and the jackfruit orchards.Somehow that entire stretch from Bangalore to Mysore is like a cord that connects me to my past , familiar names -Chennapatna , Maddur, Mandya,Srirangapatna , T-Narsipur(we had old barren land there -but catch me calling it that in front of Patti) and then finally Mysore.